It's hard out there for a . . .

SEND HELP SOON!

Boy oh boy. I have to admit, I forgot what a social/emotional minefield school is. Tradeschool is so unlike university. I'm finding it to be more like an academic limbo: somewhere between highschool and college. The geography of the culinary trades class is far more diverse than anything I experienced at Capilano College, UBC, or SFU. Some of my peers are in the last throws of puberty and sitting on a precipice between teenage angst and adult responsibility. It feels as though others have always scorned academia and even though they are in a college, they seem to rage against the authority of the institution. And then there are the students who approach their learning with spirit of healthy competitiveness and camaraderie. Sometimes, I feel like I am in a liferaft with a few other sane people. And our chefs -- they're on the big ship (the one that can save us) BUT, because they only see us for one month before they pass us along, they aren't able to effectively evaluate and eliminate the classroom dysfunction. Soooo, no life-buoy for us.

This situation is exacerbated by the fact that the goals of each individual, are hardly homogeneous. Of the sixteen people in our class (we started with 20), I know that at least a third of us have no interest in ever working in a production kitchen. The other two thirds may be focused on the food industry as a goal, but whether they will actually make it to the top is doubtful. I think a lot of students have their eye set on that brass ring of one day becoming an executive chef, a restaurant owner, or even a celebrity TV chef. And, I think that a number of my classmates feel that this will somehow be handed to them without the necessary slogging through dishpits and sweating it out in a windowless kitchen while working the line for minimum wage.

So much of what I've seen in the kitchen classroom reminds me of what I used to see in the highschool classroom. There is petulance, bullying, violent behaviour, dishonesty and cattiness. All of this has led me to reflect on my own teaching practice. So often, I've sat around with my colleagues over pitchers of ale asking the same tired teacher question: "I'm putting good material out there. I'm giving them a show. It's like a circus. So, why does it feel like nobody is learning?" Well now I know why. It's hard to learn while the sharks are circling. It's hard to learn when people are stealing your equipment or putting all of their effort into looking busy instead of being busy. It's hard to learn when you look at your neighbour who is burning something for the tenth time and then you realize that by not burning something you're automatically doing better. I think I know why my students couldn't always learn. Sometimes I wasn't teaching effectively, but it wasn't always me. I think it's easy to blame the teacher but the social environment seems to have so much more influence. I am finding it increasingly difficult to hear my instructor through the fog of bad behaviour that is enveloping our block.

I know that I have to lift myself up. Other classmates are also bothered by the behaviour they've seen. A handful of us have discussed this over a pint (or two), but it has all left me wondering where the tipping point is. I guess it all comes back to an internal locus of control. Now that I realize I've let my sense of work ethic and commitment slip, it's up to me to push myself. I am my own competitor. Even though it is hard, I need to focus on being the best human I can be in that class. As a teacher, that's all I've ever asked of my students: that they be the best human they can be; that they not get caught up in the little things that don't matter; that they open their minds to the beauty and possibilities of academia. Even the very best student can be better. So now it is my turn to practice what I preach. It's hard. It makes me remember my teen years.

I loved highschool. I liked every part of it (even the bad stuff), but I don't want to do it again. I guess, what I'm saying is I know how to help myself, now I just have to do it.